Last night I had this horrible nightmare. I was in this abandoned hotel at the Jersey Shore. I could hear the ocean waves outside but instead of salt air, all I could smell was dust and mold. The place had been ransacked for anything of value and all that was left were some broken pieces of furniture and carpet that was worn and squishy under my feet. I had climbed the stairs to an upper floor and I was exhausted. I was being chased — stalked and I knew (in the way that you just know things in a dream) that if I didn’t find a place to hide, I’d be murdered on the spot! With my heart pounding louder than the surf outside, I ducked into the bathroom in one of the rooms. I pulled the door closed and — yikes! No lock! But it was too late. I could hear footsteps coming closer and closer. I couldn’t run if I wanted to. Now all I could do was huddle in the corner and pray for one of my TV heroes to swoop in and save me!
But which one?
How could I choose a hero when I didn’t even know what was after me? Must give that some thought. . .
Escaped Lunatic / Serial Killer
Hands down, I’m hoping Don Epps of Numb3rs comes to my rescue. Don is cool and collected when staring down a killer and when the bad guy threatens the hostage (that would be me) and demands that Don leave, his response is always the same. “Ain’t gonna happen.” He’ll look that killer right in the eye (while chomping away on an ever present piece of gum) with that steely-FBI guy look of his and then he’ll take it down a notch. He’ll calmly explain to the man that if he bats an eyelash, five different snipers poised all over the state of New Jersey will put five different bullets in his one head and ain’t nobody coming back from that.
Unless of course. . . he’s a Vampire Serial Killer. . .
In that case, I’m calling in Mick St. John from Moonlight. Mick’s a vampire, too, so he understands this guy. Plus they both have the same overly acute sense of smell and catlike reflexes. Like Don, Mick’s going to talk to the fella, but it won’t be about getting him to surrender peacefully. It’ll be about distracting him until Mick sees an opening and then he’s going for the throat — literally. That gorgeous face of his will vamp out. His eyes will go all buggy and ooh, those teeth. Mick and vamp will grapple, back and forth, forth and back. Mick yells for me to run, save myself, but I’m too scared to move. He’s pinned to the floor. The other vamp is about to tear his throat out and then the tables turn. Mick pops to his feet and shoves the vamp back and into a wooden dowel that just happens to be sticking out of the wall at chest height. Done and done!
Unless of course. . . he’s a Ghost Vampire Serial Killer!
That’s it. A serial killer who thought he was a vampire and now he’s a ghost haunting the hotel! Who ya gonna call? Dean Winchester of Supernatural, of course! He ain’t afraid of no ghosts. Dean comes flying into the room, guns a blazing. Rock salt buckshot administered with a sawed-off shotgun at point-blank range. The ghost vanishes but he comes right back. “Persistent son of a bitch,” says Dean and that’s just the first of a dozen snarky comments he tosses out as he let’s the ghost have it a second time. Now he’s maneuvered himself in between me and the monster. “You okay?” He asks and it comes out all deep and growly and wow, now my heart’s really pounding fast and it’s not fear. He puts his hand out to help me to my feet. Ghost Vamp Killer guy is on the move again, but Dean has one last round. He chambers it and . . . damn! The gun jams. Run! He shoves me toward the door and I go flying with him on my heels. Down the hall, down the stairs, around the corner and straight into a really tall guy holding a really old book. Sam Winchester does his thing, a super sexy Latin incantation and poof, Ghost Vamp Killer guy is gone for good.
“Took you long enough,” Dean grouses.
“Your welcome,” says Sam.
“It’s past nine,” says my husband. “Time to get up!”
What? Oh, right. Up! Morning. Bed. Confused.
“Nightmare?” asks my husband.
I smile and say nothing. Rescued by Don Epps, Mick St. John and the Winchester Brothers? That’s no nightmare, that’s one heck of a great dream.
Don (Rob Morrow) stars on, NUMB3RS, Friday’s at 10:00 on CBS. Sonya Fleming/CBS ©2007
Mick (Alex O’Loughlin) stars on MOONLIGHT, Friday’s at 9:00 on CBS. Adam Taylor/Warner Bros.©2007 Warner Bros. Television.
Sam (Jared Padalecki) and Dean (Jensen Ackles) star in SUPERNATURAL Thursdays at 9:00 on The CW. Sergei Bachlakov/The CW ©2007 The CW Network, LLC.